He held my Hand
I was not particularly “normal,” as a child. So, I’m not sure why I thought, our “kids” might be. In any case, normal, we are not, except when it pertains to HIM. I suppose my point it, when it comes to HEavEN, and GOD, we are so VERY normal. BUT, when it comes to THIS world, some seem to find us, odd.
This entry was prompted by a film. Last night, after much deliberating, and praying, we saw the movie, “Miracles from Heaven. ” I remember a year ago, I was out with our daughter. I saw the title, and the book cover, and took a picture. But, I had NO IDEA, how important, it would be. I was supposed to go see it, about a week, before I did. But God. His time is perfect. By faith, we went last night.
All through the movie, I cried, and David cried. It was healing, and yet very hard to watch. I just kept hearing the Lord. He kept speaking, “I’m here, holding your hand.” My husband usually drops my hand half way through a movie is done. But, THIS time, He held my hand, from start to finish. Not once, did HE let go. Not just my husband, but JESUS. How incredible is that???
Watching this sweet little angel, onscreen recount her experience, we could so relate. Not only to the challenges they faced, physically. But, also to the persecution, which I think they barely touched on. The people calling them names, gossiping about them, not believing, and judging. Where was the LOVE? I’ll tell you where. IN the children!
Jesus says to “Come as a child. ” To let nothing hinder, the “children” because the kingdom of Heaven is made of such as these. Our daughter, who went home in 2013, she personified a life, of Grace, Mercy, and LOVE, through Jesus. Whenever she came into the room, the presence of Heaven was so strong. My husband and I literally stood at attention.
i’m not going to lie, and say that walking through this process, has been easy. It STILL is NOT easy. But, I absolutely will tell YOU, that HE has NEVER let go of my hand. In the movie, the wife battled unbelief and doubts. The husband appeared stronger, and more grounded in his faith. I asked my husband, “Do you think He really was that way? Or, was he just holding it together, because He had to?”
I have been forced to be the “strong” one. I did not like it, and even now, when I am called upon to do so, I HAVE to ask “JESUS” to do so, through me. Because, I will fail. But, a dear friend reminded me, THAT is necessary. JESUS succeeded by NEVER taking HIS eyes off HIS FATHER. We must succeed by never removing ours, from JESUS. You know why? HE does it the right way. He did then, and does so now. But, it looks different, to us, and maybe to others.
When our youngest daughter went to Heaven, to stay, it felt like my heart was literally ripped OUT of my body. I died too, and went with her. In fact, my physical body was so deeply affected, that a year or so, after she went, my heart stopped. It was not for a long time, and thank GOD, did not accrue damage. But, it did STOP. I thought, before that happened, that Sarah should be the star. But, she was not here anymore. But, SHE is. Just not, in a way that often makes sense to others. Anyway, Jesus in her was the star.
When I had MY encounter, I was surrounded by so much LOVE. ALL those who had gone before were present. And I looked up to Jesus, and said, “As much as I want to stay, and I REALLY do, because THIS is my HOME, I cannot. I am not finished yet. ” He looked at me, and smiled, and thanked me. This truly touched me. I loved being around my Heavenly Family. I was finally HOME, and FREE.
I have ready many books about people, having similar experiences. Instead of coming back sad, I came back JOYFUL, and on FIRE. But, it only lasted a few weeks. Then, I felt discouraged, because it seemed no one was listening. But GOD. He reminded me, that even in the deepest darkest places, HE is there. That, just because things appear one way, does not mean that they ARE. That, HIS LOVE is GOOD and it has conquered. Essentially, He reminded me, that as long as He is holding my hand, we can jump into or out of anything.
The reason this entry is so personal, is because, in my heart, and in my spirit I ache with God. As others anguish, and suffer, so we suffer as a body. I always wanted a family, that loved and served God. Now, I have one. Not that every person in the family is the same. But, we are all called to HIS heart, to be loved. To be embraced, by Heaven, is beautiful, and at times exhausting. I was thrilled to see my mom, dad, children, and others. When I get to a place, sometimes that feels dark, I think of that, and smile. That little piece of Heaven, was and is such a gift.
When I was running, from door to door, while asking God, what is this for? He held my hand. With every despair and demand. He held my hand. In every dream. He held my hand. When ripped apart at the seams, He held my hand. When I was bleeding out. He held my hand. His breath, repaired, and new blood transfused. He held my hand. Through EVERY storm. He held my hand. Broken and worn. He held my hand. Through every rejection. He held my hand. With every exception, He held my hand. Through every death. He held my hand. Through every birth. He held my hand. In every instance, when I felt I was on shifting sand, my ROCK never moved, and HE NEVER ever let go of my hand. He kissed my wounds, He held my hand. With every bruise, He held my hand. Every persecution, accusation and curse that came. He held my hand, and sheltered me from MORE pain. His blood stain, is what makes me clean. He held my hand.
In His Grace and Glory,
Elea and Fam