Often, I have no intention of writing. It just kind of spills out on the page. And today, I woke up at 3 am, knowing something. One week from today, life will change again. Tears. I trust God completely. As the song, on the radio, is “My Father’s Hands” (Susan Ashton). Any time I have an ounce of doubt, i hand that over to HIM, and say thank you, for cancelling THIS out. Not because, I am better than someone else. Lord knows, I am NOT. It is simply something, I HAVE to do. And, that I GET to do, by HIS Grace.
I keep asking HIM, Am I ready for THIS. THIS BiiiiiiiiiiiiG thing? And you know HIS answer? “You were made for THIS.” You were made to SHINE my LOVE. Tears. Part of ME, honestly just still doesn’t feel ready. But, do WE ever feel completely ready or even worthy, of letting JESUS use us? so, that I give to HIM to. Yes, just like a stuffed animal, I can’t hold onto. Just like I willingly, gave so MUCH else. He knows. WE have given HIM, EVERYTHING, He has asked for. and, would do it again. Because honestly, it is HIS anyway.
Back to the title of the entry. My husband and I, have ONE major common ground. It is the FUEL that keeps us togethere and going. it is JESUS. That is not something, I say lightly, or from a place, of religiosity. It is a FACT. WE would be NO MORE, without HIM, and in specific, HIS Grace. The tititle, has to do, with what, WE saw. As kids, WE both watched our “families” perform. As adults, we still well, batlle the images at times. Because, in so many ways, it was just horrible. I want to be clear, neither of us, holds any blame. Because, WE know, that YOU can’t give what YOU do not have. Meaning, THEY did what THEY saw. They put on a show, because, they were raised that way. But neither, He nor I, liked it We did not enjoy, looking like, WE were one thing….and BEING another. Have you ever experienced that?
I would bet, that many readers have. Because, there were a few generations, that did this. God used it for good. There is no question. It is just time to stop, and to be more real…
To THIS day, it HAS been something, THAT EVEN though, WE try hard, to BE authentic, diligently break the mold, and do it differently; WE fight. Yet, WE can also REJOICE, and as this song on now “Be still and KNOW He is God” (SCC) . In that stillness, there is healing. There is the reminder, that YOU, nor ANY other single soul, including ANY enemy, will mess up the plans of GOD. They will go forth!!!!! THAT is GREAT news!!!!! You might go through challenges, and difficulties. You will feel like a winner, and at times, a loser. Jesus did too. And He FEELS with you. That helps me, to REMEMBER that.
Humbling can happen, when WE receive, and when WE give up, or it feels like something is taken. But, NOTHING, is ever really stolen from GOD. Remember, it says, the enemy comes, to steal, kill, and destroy. It never says, he can. It never says, he has that power. It says, he comes, to try. So, WE speak Grace Grace again. WE thank JESUS for victory. The VICTORY He provides to US. Because, HE LOVES US. It IS THAT simple. BECAUSE WE are LOVED, there is HEALING available, and true FREEDOM.
I have times in LIFE, where I miss what WAS. People say, ‘You would not be human , if YOU did not.” I don’t just MISS what was with Sarah. Contrary, to popular belief… But, just like the last song said, “I just Showed UP for MY Own Life.” (Sara Groves). I can’t stare at OLD reflections. I have to trust GOD, that HIS LOVE shatters the yuck, and restores the GOOD. He always told me, “The fruit, will SPEAK for ITSELF.” That has NEVER been untrue. In EVERY sense….it ALWAYS does.
So ARE WE dressed for REhearsal? Well, this is NOT a performance, like a play, or a film. Yet, it WILL be forfront, and will likelely show UP on stage. It is a REAL and LIVE TRUE PERFORMANCE of HIS LOVE. As the SONG on, “Beyond Justice to Mercy.” (Susan Ashton) This is a FAVORITE of mine, from when I was a child. I sang it, over and over. As I listen to it now. I remember well the lyrics. “THOUGH the distance seems so far. The love that USED to hold our hearts. LONGS to take US BEYOND Justice, to MERCY. Going, MORE than Halfway to FORGIVE.”
As I am listening to THIS….
I see Jesus. And He is taking me through a HALLWAY, of forgiveness. I see MANY faces. And there are check marks. I ask HIM, why the check marks, He nods, and says , “YOU have forgiven them.” There is another hallway to the left. It is darker. I ask, is that a forgiveness hallway too. He says, “YES, But, it is NOT yours. But you will notice, it has a connector. You see how all the hallways connect?” I stood in awe as yes, they ALL connected. It reminded me, of the scene from the kids film, “Monster’s Inc.” For those, of you, who have scene it. They have doors, that lead to rooms. Well, this was similar. The hallways, were either light or dark. And, JESUS is the door, and the KEY. I tell HIM, about my thoughts, regarding the film. He smiles. He says, “I remember, when WE watched that. The VERY first time, TOGETHER.” Tears. I cry. He knows why.
He says, “You know, she is doing great here. ONE of my VERY best TEACHERS, and student too. wink YOU both DID so well. YOU still ARE doing so well still. WE know it is NOT always easy. Tears. I tell HIM, “I just don’t feel qualified. He says, “Well YOU are not qualified. But, I AM, and I live in YOU. Smile. WE are better together. Always.
Let’s practice… You always said, “Practice makes Permanent, and I make it perfect” He says. He taught me the first part, through a beautiful little angel butterfly. WE were watching a show, called Calliou, and they said something. They had said, “Practice makes perfect.” And Jesus said, “Practice makes permanent, but I make it perfect.” #beautifulmemories
. The next thing I know, there is this HUGE stage. It is beautiful too. Jesus goes to sit, in what looks like a judges seat. Though, He gives me that look. The one, that reminds me, HE is CHEERING me ON, not actually judging ME, per se. So, He sits there, and I see HIM. And He says, “Whenever YOU are ready, My LOVE.” I look to the right, and there are beautiful flowers, all colors, of the rainbow. To the left, the same thing. In Front of ME, Jesus is sitting there, and He is waiting patiently. I begin to sing.
He knows, the song I am singing, is NOT the ONE, I am using. But, He listens, and just enjoys it. After I finish, He lovingly says, “Again.” Does not fuss at me, or criticize me, or yell at me. I said, ” I did not do the right song.” He said , “YOU can not and will NOT mess this up, my beautiful one.” Tears.
“And HE walks WITH me, and TALKS with Me, and tells ME, I am HIS own. And the JOY we share, as WE TARRY there, none other, has EVER known. ”
It begins….”I come to the GARDEN alone.”
He had come over to me, And Put His arm around me, when He told me I would not mess up. I thanked HIM. I asked HIM, “Why does this seem so hard for ME?” He says, “Because it is NOT how YOU pictured IT would BE. Tears. Oh how true that is.
He shows me, a scene from a film. It is the film, “Steel Magnolias.” In the scene, Sally Fields character, is crying in front of her friends. It is right after her daughter, “passes, dies, goes.” Whatever word, you want to use, she is not physically here anymore. And, this woman, quite frankly is angry. I don’t think she was mad at God. I think she just was ANGRY at the circumstances.
I went through THAT. I sometimes still do. But, I made a choice, and it was this. I chose to feel angry, but NOT Be angry. Jesus says, “You felt like this, and you wanted HER here. That is why, she told you BOTH, the message. Remember, Father sent her early on. She said, “It is critical to STAY surrendered.” She was speaking about, during the season, of BLESSING. “Wow.” I say. Tears I cry. Nothing happening, is a surprise to you. Thank you for the Grace, to carry US through. He smiles, and cries with me. “My pleasure, beautiful One. Truly, you are A gift to ME.”
Jesus smiles again. He says, “Remember singing this hymn, as a child with your mom and dad in church?” I smile. #happymemories. Time with MY VERY best friend. THERE is NOTHING like it. I am so thankful, that HE knows ALL sees ALL, and comforts us in process. Because, LIFE seems to be getting more surreal, not less surreal. And I am choosing, to TRUST HE, is the REAL deal in it. By HIS Grace, WE can BE. He will show up, and things will go, as they should.
My parents are with HIM now. I am grateful, most days, that is the case. Because, I know they are supposed to BE there. Same as MANY I, and WE LOVE, thankful they are safe and sound. God sends people into our lives. Some comes for reasons, seasons and lifetimes. Only JESUS knows, who will be there for a lifetime. WE simply have, to treasure, every moment. Time, is fleeting. In a blink, it is often gone. WE must pray and praise God, for the good and trust in HIM for healing , areas that have been tough or bad. He will, HE never EVER fails. and HIS LOVE absolutely, wins, EVERY single time.
If I speak in tounges of men and of angels, but have not LOVE, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. (1 Corinthians 13:1)
In His Grace,