Surfing the WAVES of Heaven

11131998_10203739606082561_1754846581_n 11150393_1052313918116379_8512977272406357100_n10906241_603447309799087_6353916573394658360_n 11146310_653073554836462_8522954220000075581_nIn my own strength or mind, when asked to do this, just a few days after another post it IS impossible. But, despite how WE “feel” His LOVE must flow. So, through HIS LOVE, it is possible. As always, I ask JESUS to do it through me. I ask the Holy Spirit to bring the desires of Heaven to this page. I ask the FATHER in Heaven to grant wisdom, protection and PEACE as others partake of this food. May you ALL receive what HE desires you to, as you read, reflect and receive.

I was listening to the spirit today. I kept hearing THAT storm is over. Just breathe. Now, there is NOT a day that goes by, that I don’t get encouraged by GOD. He uses SO many things to speak. The most powerful TOOL is the word. I spoke to a brother recently, and He reminded me that JESUS is the word. THAT is a VERY important reminder. Though, a VERY difficult storm has passed. There will be others to come. But, I also was reminded that JESUS is the keeper of the storms.

I usually like to write when I am focused, calm and connected in a peaceful way. Because, I hope that God uses me to bring that to others. But, today, and in the time I have been writing this entry, it has been different. I have been listening to God’s word since I woke up. I have just been weeping. So many reasons why. But, I believe the BIGGEST reason is because of the LOVE hidden in the midst of it all.

Love has been a funny things for me. It has been the hardest WAVE for me to experience. I have navigated HATE, REJECTION, ANGER, GRIEF, LOSS, and so many MORE. But, I asked God why LOVE is the hardest one. His reply was this: “MY LOVE REALLY DOES CONQUER ALL.” I remember as a child I would look around me. I was a talkative child, and I spent a lot of time with GOD until about age 7. I would talk to HIM. He would show me things. But, I would continue to seek what I SAW. I yearned for something tangible. TEARS were tangible. I cried a lot as a kid. People always assumed I was unhappy, depressed, or something bad. But, what I was then, is what I am now. HOMESICK. Let me explain a bit. I always knew who I was. I was then and am NOW, a child of GOD. My home is in HEAVEN. Though, I have had many earthly homes, and will have more, I know where I belong. That is HIS Grace is sufficient. His MERCY is new each day. HIS LOVE is why WE exist.

In some ways, I was like a “typical child.” But, in other ways, I was VERY different. I remember vividly the things I did wrong. Not because I feel guilty, or bad. But, because everything I did wrong was ALWAYS pointed out. Very rarely was the good stuff acknowledged. I want to be clear, that I am not angry about this anymore. It is just a fact. Seeing the good was like trying to find a needle in a haystack back then. I was always striving to be something better than people thought I was. But, I wasn’t asking GOD who He wanted me to be. I have spoken before about being disconnected from Jesus at age 7 1/2. That disconnect really lasted for about 22 years. In that time, I sank further into darkness. Miraculously because I did know who I was, and through Jesus you are guided to the Heavenly Father; I stayed connected with HIM.

I yearned for LOVE. It was my greatest desire. I looked everywhere. I recall that it was like a hunt. But, eventhough I sough and sought it, I ONLY found disappointment, pain, agony, hurt, depression, despair, abandonment, insecurity, and darkness. It seemed like no matter what I tried, I could not become anything good. Even now, when I think about it, I wonder. Why did I not KNOW that the LOVE was inside? That what I was looking for was not without but within?

The answer is because I had to go THROUGH to learn what was TRUE. These entries are getting more personal, and honestly I am NOT a fan of that. But, I have been called to share these things. My prayer is that what I tried to share as a child, will help someone. As a kid, my mother said something to me once. She said, “Katy you need a lot of love.” Here is what I heard, “You are exhausting, I will never be able to give you what you need. I wish I never had you. You are such a problem in my life.” I got ALL of THAT from her saying, “You need a lot of love.” But, now I know that her saying that I need a lot of LOVE was prophetic. IT was something that I would look back on as Jesus and me together navigated these waves. A disconnect does not mean something is gone. It simply means the access granted to it, is different than before.

IT fascinates me that for 22 years, Jesus watched me, prayed for me, LOVED me from afar, until the day that I would come back again. Now, THAT my dear ones is LOVE. For JESUS to TRUST that I would not fall so far into darkness, that I could NOT be rescued. I learned a lot about God, in the time of my child hood. Sadly, MUCH of it taught from others was misinformation. Even now, when people misunderstand me, it is not easy for me. Because GOD is healing that VERY deep wound. I learned a lot about evil. There were MANY people sent in and used to take advantage, stab, gossip, and so much more in relation to me. BUT, through it ALL the LOVE of GOD only, kept me a float.

I had a vision today. I was drifting on a small boat in the ocean. There was no FEAR of sharks, or anything bad. The boat was yellow, representing the GLORY of GOD. I had everything I needed. I had the word of God. THAT was ALL I needed. It was just me and HIM drifting along. The raft had red around the rim, representing the blood of JESUS. The book was GOLDEN, as the treasure it is. Here is what I know. It is okay to be drifting with GOD. I have to say that because in my life, I never really voiced that, and if I did, I was still doubting it. But, there is a point where in the drifting you REACH the destination.

The destination is where the promises unfold for you. WHY? Because you are LOVED. I mean, LOVED in a way THAT does NOT even have words. SO LOVED. I remember people would say that, and my first response was bad. I would say, “yeah right. ” I still have to fight that. Because it is HARD to fathom, embrace, and FULLY RECEIVE the LOVE of GOD. It is the greatest WAVE of HEAVEN. It conquers everything. GOD cannot be limited. He HAS NO LIMITATIONS.

Certain storms are over, and it is hard to wave good bye to them. Because, it feels like saying goodbye means, it is forever. But, the TRUTH is, if we will say goodbye to one part, the GOD can bring another and another and another. I know THIS. I have lived this. But, sometimes it is so hard to BELIEVE this. Thank GOD that when we struggle with that, HIS LOVE arises. Thank GOD there is nothing that can conquer HIS LOVE.


John 3:16 ESV / 5 helpful votes

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Revelation 21:1 ESV / 4 helpful votes

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more.

Jude 1:13 ESV / 4 helpful votes

Wild waves of the sea, casting up the foam of their own shame; wandering stars, for whom the gloom of utter darkness has been reserved forever.

James 1:6 ESV / 4 helpful votes

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

Daniel 2:1-49 ESV / 4 helpful votes

In the second year of the reign of Nebuchadnezzar, Nebuchadnezzar had dreams; his spirit was troubled, and his sleep left him. Then the king commanded that the magicians, the enchanters, the sorcerers, and the Chaldeans be summoned to tell the king his dreams. So they came in and stood before the king. And the king said to them, “I had a dream, and my spirit is troubled to know the dream.” Then the Chaldeans said to the king in Aramaic, “O king, live forever! Tell your servants the dream, and we will show the interpretation.” The king answered and said to the Chaldeans, “The word from me is firm: if you do not make known to me the dream and its interpretation, you shall be torn limb from limb, and your houses shall be laid in ruins. …

Esther 1:1-22 ESV / 4 helpful votes

Now in the days of Ahasuerus, the Ahasuerus who reigned from India to Ethiopia over 127 provinces, in those days when King Ahasuerus sat on his royal throne in Susa, the capital, in the third year of his reign he gave a feast for all his officials and servants. The army of Persia and Media and the nobles and governors of the provinces were before him, while he showed the riches of his royal glory and the splendor and pomp of his greatness for many days, 180 days. And when these days were completed, the king gave for all the people present in Susa, the citadel, both great and small, a feast lasting for seven days in the court of the garden of the king’s palace. …

Genesis 1:10 ESV / 4 helpful votes

God called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And God saw that it was good.

Revelation 15:2 ESV / 3 helpful votes

And I saw what appeared to be a sea of glass mingled with fire—and also those who had conquered the beast and its image and the number of its name, standing beside the sea of glass with harps of God in their hands.

Revelation 4:6 ESV / 3 helpful votes

And before the throne there was as it were a sea of glass, like crystal. And around the throne, on each side of the throne, are four living creatures, full of eyes in front and behind:

Revelation 1:1-20 ESV / 3 helpful votes

The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his servants the things that must soon take place. He made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, who bore witness to the word of God and to the testimony of Jesus Christ, even to all that he saw. Blessed is the one who reads aloud the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear, and who keep what is written in it, for the time is near. John to the seven churches that are in Asia: Grace to you and peace from him who is and who was and who is to come, and from the seven spirits who are before his throne, and from Jesus Christ the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of kings on earth. To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood …

Philippians 4:13 ESV / 3 helpful votes

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:8 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Galatians 1:1-24 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Paul, an apostle—not from men nor through man, but through Jesus Christ and God the Father, who raised him from the dead— and all the brothers who are with me, To the churches of Galatia: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for our sins to deliver us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen. …

Romans 12:2 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

John 3:16-17 ESV / 3 helpful votes

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

John 3:1-36 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. This man came to Jesus by night and said to him, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him.” Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Nicodemus said to him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born?” Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. …

Matthew 14:22-33 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. …

Matthew 6:24 ESV / 3 helpful votes

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

Zechariah 14:8 ESV / 3 helpful votes

On that day living waters shall flow out from Jerusalem, half of them to the eastern sea and half of them to the western sea. It shall continue in summer as in winter.

Amos 9:6 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Who builds his upper chambers in the heavens and founds his vault upon the earth; who calls for the waters of the sea and pours them out upon the surface of the earth— the Lord is his name.

Jeremiah 5:22 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Do you not fear me? declares the Lord. Do you not tremble before me? I placed the sand as the boundary for the sea, a perpetual barrier that it cannot pass; though the waves toss, they cannot prevail; though they roar, they cannot pass over it.

Isaiah 57:20 ESV / 3 helpful votes

But the wicked are like the tossing sea; for it cannot be quiet, and its waters toss up mire and dirt.



I had a song in my spirit today. It was NOT and really is not designed to be a worship song. I have memories as a teen of listening to this song after breakups. But, one day I listened and I heard God speak through the words. I remember crying hard as a kid. I look back now and I understand better why I cried. I yearned for HOME. I was so disconnected from everyone. No one cared, very often what I had to say. Because, it was NOT what they wanted to hear. I just wanted LOVE. I still just want LOVE, kindness and family.

In HIS word, He says the greatest of these is LOVE. Faith, hope and Love.


Hold on my heart
Just hold on to that feeling
We both know we’ve been here before
We both know what can happen

Hold on my heart
’cause I’m looking over you shoulder
Please don’t rush in this time
Don’t show her how you feel

Hold on my heart
Throw me a lifeline
I’ll keep a place for you
Somewhere deep inside

Hold on my heart
Please tell her to be patient
’cause there has never been a time
That I wanted something more

If I can recall this feeling
And I know there’s a chance
Oh I will be there
Yes I will be there
Be there for you
Whenever you want me to
Whenever you call I will be there
Yes I will be there

Hold on my heart
Don’t let her see you crying
No matter where I go
She’ll always be with me

Hold on my heart
Just hold on to that feeling
We both know we’ve been here before
We both know what can happen
So hold on my heart


The song was written by Genesis.

Here is what it means NOW to me….GOD wants me to hold onto HIS heart. The hem of HIS garment. To let mine be united with HIS. To remember the honor of suffering. To not allow the emotion to control, but to REMEMBER His LOVE will conquer, as it ALWAYS has. I pray this has been a blessing for you that have read it. I know that my HEART is not always easy to understand. I believe Jesus struggled with that too. I am grateful, that because of what HE has conquered and finished, WE will never be alone in the OCEAN of Heaven, or in this LIFE on earth. Humbled by HIS LOVE, embracing HIS spirit, I wait with HIM.

In His Grace and GLORY,

E and FAM


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